Yes I’ve lost my mind. But I’ve lost it for Jesus.

I got this amazing piece of spam today in ye ol’ inbox. Absolutely fascinating. I only edited in a couple of paragraph breaks to make it easier to read, and I pulled the links out… Seriously, a Pulitzer Prize category should be added…

Any plaintiff can be a big fan of the skyscraper beyond a cab driver, but it takes a real ball bearing to take a peek at a shabby razor blade. Sometimes a demon reads a magazine, but a light bulb defined by a skyscraper always operates a small fruit stand with the blithe spirit about a hydrogen atom! When a scythe living with a turkey is magnificent, a gentle fighter pilot competes with a stovepipe near a warranty. A vacuum cleaner about the bullfrog self-flagellates, and the minivan of the fairy beams with joy; however, a deficit for an earring makes a truce with the reactor about another paycheck. Most people believe that a grain of sand defined by the power drill laughs and drinks all night with a nearest freight train, but they need to remember how accurately another spartan reactor procrastinates. If a parking lot carelessly requires assistance from the feline bottle of beer, then a defendant around a minivan daydreams.

A jersey cow about a corporation is resplendent. Any parking lot can secretly admire a photon inside the fundraiser, but it takes a real class action suit to derive perverse satisfaction from the annoying paper napkin. A diskette non-chalantly learns a hard lesson from a polar bear from an ocean. The cantankerous pickup truck learns a hard lesson from some CEO near the tape recorder. When a hockey player is geosynchronous, the photon goes deep sea fishing with the precise blithe spirit. A psychotic wheelbarrow makes love to a pickup truck. When the pathetic grand piano is feline, the tornado overwhelmingly makes love to the crank case of some traffic light. An impromptu nation trades baseball cards with the tuba player inside the parking lot. An abstraction of an umbrella laughs out loud, and a slow abstraction hesitates; however, the support group behind the insurance agent buys an expensive gift for a skinny vacuum cleaner. Some judge from the cyprus mulch finds subtle faults with a seldom obsequious jersey cow.

When a microscope leaves, a power drill rejoices. A parking lot borrows money from a tuba player defined by some dust bunny. A gratifying food stamp hibernates, and a line dancer procrastinates; however, the paper napkin single-handledly figures out a hole puncher. A bowling ball beyond a cough syrup figures out the globule. Indeed, the steam engine has a change of heart about a mating ritual. Some carpet tack Most people believe that the gentle umbrella often satiates a football team of another ocean, but they need to remember how seldom the geosynchronous light bulb takes a coffee break. If the cheese wheel sanitizes a spider, then an umbrella daydreams. A fundraiser goes deep sea fishing with the fundraiser over a bowling ball, or a blood clot buries the geosynchronous briar patch. Another girl scout related to a photon starts reminiscing about lost glory, and the shabby hole puncher writes a love letter to a defendant. Some single-handledly worldly pork chop reads a magazine, and the diskette hides; however, a mysterious fairy competes with the college-educated photon. The microscope has a change of heart about a globule beyond a support group. If another industrial complex trades baseball cards with the federal pig pen, then a line dancer toward the grizzly bear hesitates.

Now and then, a molten abstraction underhandedly gives secret financial aid to the usually optimal buzzard. A burglar for a class action suit tries to seduce a familiar chess board. When a prime minister is eagerly surly, a traffic light gives a pink slip to a dust bunny. Any vacuum cleaner can non-chalantly make love to a chain saw around an eggplant, but it takes a real mastadon to teach a temporal roller coaster. A bowling ball inside the tape recorder hesitates, and a smelly apartment building feels nagging remorse; however, the feverishly cosmopolitan avocado pit brainwashes the fashionable bowling ball. A blithe spirit over the blithe spirit is hairy. Furthermore, the plaintiff living with a demon earns frequent flier miles, and a tripod of the defendant inexorably brainwashes the bowling ball over an oil filter. If the senator gives a pink slip to a Eurasian fundraiser, then a rattlesnake from a carpet tack hesitates.

Another load bearing short order cook Furthermore, a short order cook beyond the bartender wakes up, and a college-educated blithe spirit secretly admires a traffic light. For example, the treacherous dolphin indicates that a mating ritual can be kind to a linguistic mating ritual. Indeed, the federal crank case makes a truce with a girl scout. Most people believe that a skinny polar bear dances with another wheelbarrow beyond a short order cook, but they need to remember how almost a twisted submarine gets stinking drunk. A CEO from the ball bearing avoids contact with a skyscraper from a jersey cow

SONG OF THE MOMENT: Poster Children – “Dead Man”

Courtesy of the Consumerist I found a great blog from a Wal-Mart courtesy desk associate. Way back in the way back, I worked on the service desk at the local Wal-Mart. These stories all sound familiar. Good readin’.

I saw the saddest thing today… one of those messenger guys pushing his scooter across the intersection of 8th Ave. and 48th street today with a blown-out rear tire. He looked really sad. And tired. I wanted to take a picture as I’ve never seen a flat tire on a scooter before, but I didn’t want to make his day any worse.

We were at the emergency room at the soon-to-be-closed St. Mary’s the other day (don’t worry – everything is good). While waiting back in the exam rooms we noticed that they had a TV at the nurse’s station, and lo & behold they were watching ER. It was odd at first, but somewhat comforting at the end, because no matter how bad we were feeling, it wasn’t as bad as the dude in that episode.

Of course I’m kidding. Old people rule. But I’m serioulsy never offering up my seat on the bus ever again. Tonight on the way home the bus filled up fairly quickly. I’m looking around and there are no pregnant people, just yuppy boys and girls typing away on their Blackberries or reading an Oprah Book Club selection (don’t get me started). Then a older gentlemen got on the bus and was standing. Now for the longest time I didn’t offer him my seat (should’ve kept to my original plan), but he kind of looked around as the bus started to pull away, like he was looking for a seat, so I pulled out my earplugs halfway and tapped him and said softly “Would you like to sit.” A nice gesture I thought. Now the guy wasn’t ancient and was dressed fairly preppy, so I figured he’d probably decline. No harm, no foul. I was also thinking that he looked about my Dad’s age, and I’d like someone to offer him a seat if he was standing.

Well either I caught this guy on a bad day, or he’s just bitter, useless, piece-of-shit, but he responded with a “Why. Do I look too old.” And mumbled something else. I was kind of shocked, so I just smiled and said, “Just thought I’d offer” and put my music back on. He said something else that I couldn’t make out so I just smiled. A girl a few rows back gave me the “Oh well shrug” – and thank god for that because I was fucking pissed. I almost wanted to yell as he got off the bus later, “Careful getting off the bus, don’t break your fucking hip,” but I didn’t.

WTF. I tried to be nice, and now I’m all fucked in the head because old dude was a dick.

This is officially the last time I offer up my seat to anyone who doesn’t have a noticeable fetus growing inside of them. And those better start smiling and saying thanks, or they’re up shit creek too.

Fucking breeders.

Mondays are never much fun, particularly when you’re not entirely in love with your job to begin with. I had a meeting this morning that was supposed to be a brainstorm about the future of the site I work on. For the most part it was a fun meeting, and exciting to talk about the future, but it was also annoying and slightly depressing.

The way my company is set up, there isn’t a specific online department. There are a couple of technology guys, and a group of producers in one department, and then just me in another department. I’m always kind of feeling caught in the middle. My boss doesn’t really know what I do. The other department quite often doesn’t keep me in the loop on projects, so I feel constantly out-of-touch. I’ve tried numerous times to insert myself in their world, and I’ve had some success with it, but on big picture stuff, I totally feel left out. And it gets tiring having to beg for info. Really, really tiring.

So in this meeting it comes across that they’ve already put a lot of thought and planning into the future – a lot of it is already decided. And of course I haven’t heard any of it before. It’s really exciting stuff, things I would have liked to have contributed too, but they didn’t include me. Come to think of it, I had to kind of beg to be put into this brainstorm meeting. At one point I even said “Wow, this sounds really great. I’d love to be involved in it. It sounds really fun.” I kind of got the head nod that really is just an eyeroll/patronizing glare.

They did ask me to keep my department from fucking up the names of projects (there was a conflict of a “their” department project name and an “our department project name). When I said, “Sure, I can try to help out there. But doesn’t the editorial director come up with all these names anyway? She’d probably be best suited to clear names,” I got the same head nod.

Eh.

Then to top it off, the current gf tells me that she’s going to the movies with her ex-bf sometime next week. I know I’m just being jealous and a guy, but it really makes me feel like I’m not giving her what she needs if she has to go out to a movie with the ex.

Double eh.

SONG OF THE MOMENT: The Soundtrack of Our Lives – “Ten Years Ahead”

Okay, so I’m still dating M and it’s been quite wonderful (hence the lack of posts – I’ve been busy wooing her). We’ve actually gone on a lot of trips too (some day I’ll post pix). Around Labor Day weekend we headed up to Niagara Falls and Toronto to hang. The week before Halloween we went out to San Francisco for the weekend. So it’s been pretty serious… so much so that we spent the week of Thanksgiving together, and met each other’s families… yikes!

Actually it went really well. Everyone seemed to get along.

No I’m not getting married anytime soon.

Yes I’m happy for once.

I’m also tired as all hell, so I’m off to bed.

How was your Turkey Day?

So I get a ton of comment spam here, but hardly any actual comments, probably because I don’t have any readers – don’t really blame you. All I do is whine. Anyhoo, I was cleaning up the comment queue when I came across this crazy piece of spam…

Mexicans replenished! Skyhook comprehend horrendous?

I mean, it almost makes sense. If Mexicans were replenished with a skyhook, then there would be some kind of horrendous thing happening, but not sure I’d comprehend it…

I’m taking classes again this semester. Flash, which I’ve been wanting to take for a while, is really fun – and I totally dig the instructor. He’s moving at a great pace, and won’t let slower students take the class hostage, which is really refreshing. I feel like I’m really learning something, and I’m really enjoying this type of work so far. One of my friends has recently changed careers paths from online producer, to web developer to Flash/Actionscript programming and he’s really liking it. That totally has me thinking, especially considering how fucking miserable it is at the office lately. I swear, sometimes in my weekly meeting it’s all I can do to keep from jumping across the desk to shake my boss and yell, “Do you realize you’re destroying your own department?” Anyhoo, the class I’m taking for fun, I’m really enjoying.

The other class I signed up for, MS Project is actually a good class, with a great instructor, but thorougly boring subject matter. I decided to take Project for two reasons. In my current profession, a lot of people manage their projects with Project, so to better prepare for another gig – thought I’d beef up. Also, I read about project management certification, which can get you extra money and better jobs. Well, what’s become abundantly clear with this class is that I have no real desire to dive into project management as a career – it’s not for me. So in that regard, this class was priceless. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I can definitely add PM to the “no” column.

SONG OF THE MOMENT: The Twilight Singers – “King Only”

I’ll just say this: terrorist warnings tend to put a damper on karaoke attendence. I had tried to organize a group outting to a favorite local sushi/karaoke place last week for this week… there seemed to be interest among the diehards, so I put out a big e-mail to the whole work group. And there was even more interest. But today at 7ish, it was two of us… Yeah, I canceled.

Terrorists: 1
Drunken karaoke: 0

SONG OF THE MOMENT: Nothing. Didn’t you see the rant above. Sheesh.

I haven’t written anything in a while. I suck. But I’ve been having fun. Updates later. Still alive.

So rather than post the obvious link to the Red Cross (oops!) for Katrina donations, I though I’d point over to Gizmodo were former editor Joel talks about his forthcoming trip to the Gulf Coast to establish wireless communications networks to help supplement the infrastructure that was destroyed by this royal cunt of a hurricane. It’s an interesting read, and he’s looking for help, so check it out.

Also, I got reminded on another blog to check with the company you work for before making blind donations to the Red Cross or other organizations… some companies are doing corporate matches, meaning they’ll double (or more) your personal donation as long as you report it.

Personally, I’d like to challenge all CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies to donate their entire salaries for the year (minus bonuses of course) to the cause — I’m sure it won’t make a dent in their nest egg, but it’ll sure help everyone else who got fucked.

You finally pull out your iPod to listen to some tunes, and it takes a while for it to cycle on because it’s been sitting unused all weekend.

SONG OF THE MOMENT: Eric Weissberg & Steve Mandell – “Dueling Banjos”

Ninjalicious from Infiltration.org passed away August 23, 2005 at the age of 31.

I never met the guy, but I was a fan of his Zine and the accompanying website, and he pretty much single-handedly got me interested in Urban Exploration and all things underground and hidden. There’s a nice write-up on him at the Torontoist.

From his wife Liz:

But most of all, Jeff would have wanted people to take a new knowledge and understanding of the importance of organ donation from his incredible experiences. Without a transplant, we would have lost him years ago. Organ donation is an incredible gift that saves lives — in North America, countless people waiting on transplants die every day because the amount of organ donors is just so embarrassingly small. For people who are not already registered as organ donors wherever they live, they can find some information here:

Canada
http://www.givelife.ca/index2.cfm

USA
http://www.organdonor.gov/signup1.html

BTW, I want my organs donated. Just an FYI.

SONG OF THE MOMENT: Zwan – “Of a Broken Heart”

Okay, day three. We went out again. To a movie again. Johnny Depp again – “Ed Wood” – good movie.

Three dates & three movies in three days. I know, it’s probably overkill – but I can safely say now that yes, I like this girl. Normally I’d be waiting for this whole thing to implode on itself, but I’m feeling pretty good about all this actually. Other than my cheeks and jaw are sore from smiling so goddamn much.

SONG OF THE MOMENT: DJ Shadow – “Midnight In A Perfect World”